How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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