Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't notice because vodka
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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