i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.