Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.

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(313): Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical. http://tfl.nu/9qp0

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(901): View more from Tennessee

pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

no

(901): View more from Tennessee

the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table

(901): View more from Tennessee

im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE

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(901): pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit (1-901): no (901): the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table (901): im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE http://tfl.nu/q3wo

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(516): View more from New York

He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.

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(516): He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home. http://tfl.nu/ewc8

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(214): View more from Texas

i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"

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(214): i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat" http://tfl.nu/yhqk

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(567): View more from Ohio

I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..

(1-567): View more from Ohio

How so?

(567): View more from Ohio

Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.

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(567): I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand.. (1-567): How so? (567): Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/38h3

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

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(412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

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(303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.

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(778): I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter. http://tfl.nu/71jn

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(937): View more from Ohio

Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover

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(937): Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover http://tfl.nu/h2d8

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

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(860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7

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(404): View more from Georgia

It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.

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(404): It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated. http://tfl.nu/7ila

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(619): View more from California

She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...

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(619): She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched... http://tfl.nu/qaun

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.

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(402): Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy. http://tfl.nu/5n13

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(416): View more from Toronto

How did it go last night?

(647): View more from Ontario

Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?

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(416): How did it go last night? (647): Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad? http://tfl.nu/bq72

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.

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(709): Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him. http://tfl.nu/nwj5

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