you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
