Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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