I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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