I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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