Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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