Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
