You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
