Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
