He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
