I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
