I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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