Cold hands, warm shart.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
