he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
