I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
