why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
