Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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