It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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