:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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