She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
