I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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