How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
