Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
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Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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