two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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