Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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