He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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