Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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