A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
