i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize