Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everything about him screamed your future.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
