I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize