I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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