i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she told me i tasted like america
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
