HIV tests are more positive than that guy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
