everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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