On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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