I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
