We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
