That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
