Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
