OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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