Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
