i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
