Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
