How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
