i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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