Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
