My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
