How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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