My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize