somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
