oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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