Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
