But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
