im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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