drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
