Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
