to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
