found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
