i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
