the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
