Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
