Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
